It's all about the Canaries

I read this great story about the coal miners in Pennsylvania from one of my favorite writers, Glennon Doyle Melton. As we all know, the mines are very dangerous because they are full of invisible deadly toxins. The Miner’s bodies weren’t sensitive enough to register the levels of poison so they often brought a Canary down with them. The Canaries body is specifically built to be very sensitive to the toxins in the mine so when the toxin level rose too high, the Canary stopped singing. If the Miner’s didn’t leave when the singing stopped, the Canary would die and shortly thereafter, so would the Miner’s. The Canary became the Miner’s lifeline.

I believe many of our kids are Canaries.

When a child has sensory integration issues due to a disability such as Autistic spectrum disorder, Seizure Disorder, Bipolar, Depression, Hearing Impairment, ADHD (which is just one huge sensory challenge), etc. the world can be very painful and overwhelming. Everything from sounds, lights, energy, and speech coming at them can be very difficult to sort though. Some kids are more efficient at adapting so on the outside they may follow the rules better, however sometimes there is still a constant underlying uncomfortableness they can’t put into words.

I don’t believe this makes them weak. I don’t believe it makes them so broken they need to be fixed. In fact, it’s possible they are the bravest of us all. It seems no matter how painful it feels, they just keep putting themselves out there over and over in the course of their everyday life. And what we all perceive as inappropriate behaviors could quite possibly be that canary losing its song and trying to let others know there is trouble. I guess the question is, are we listening? Or are we consumed with the fixing?

When you have a plant or a flower that isn’t growing, do we keep forcing it while we watch it continue to die a little death over and over hoping it will eventually adapt? Or do we change the environment so it can take root and flourish?

We as parents all want our children to be able to fit in and function in our community because we believe that will make them happy. We all want our children to feel loved and accepted. And I do believe we do need to help them learn to adapt to a certain extent so their attempts aren’t so painful. And when they finally uncover their passions, the path is open. However, if we are extreme and solely focused on making them acceptable, we may miss the gifts they are here to give us.

As both a parent and a canary, I struggle with this balance every single day.

Perhaps One Shared Root will be that special place where Canaries are safe to sing, a place where others are encouraged to listen. Who knows… it may just be the lifeline we didn’t even know we needed.